Wet Dream
by Murasaki Yugata
Summary: Minion has a dream about Roxanne.


The fish bobbed up and down, joyfully singing "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath, as the gorilla-like hands of his mechanical suit guided the fabric under the sewing machine.

"Minion?"

He blinked and looked backwards, delighted to see his second favorite person. "Oh, Miss Ritchi! How was your date with the boss?"

"It was...well, it's still going, actually. Megamind wanted to..."

From elsewhere in the lair, Megamind's voice could be heard echoing off the walls. "The final battle is upon us! It is time to uncover who is destined to reign victorious and who shall suffer the cruel fate of shame and defeat!"

"Oh!" said Minion, with an expression of recognition. "You're going to play Mario Kart then?"

Roxanne shrugged. "He wouldn't shut up about it at dinner. You wanna join us?"

"Heh. No, thank you. I still need to finish up his latest outfit. I'm trying to pull of a subtle aesthetic balance between stalwart valor and AC/DC."

Roxanne walked closer, impressed at jumpsuit and cape laid out on the table. "Wow! You made these yourself?"

"Oh, I make all of the boss's outfits," said Minion with a sense of pride.

"Huh. You really do an awful lot around here, don't you?"

"Psh. Yeah, no kidding," he replied in a slightly exasperated tone, before brightening up. "But, you know...this is something I really enjoy."

"Well, you're certainly good at it."

"Oh, you."

Megamind's voice once again reverberated through the lair. "Does nobody dare to challenge the great Megamind? Come forth, adversaries, if you deem yourselves worthy! Face the red shells of your demise!"

"Well, that's my cue," said Roxanne. "I'll see you later, Minion."

"Take care, Miss Ritchi!" said Minion. Then, as an afterthought, "Oh, and Miss Ritchi? You might wanna let him win a few rounds. It does a lot to help his self-image."

Roxanne smirked. "Yeah, hm. I don't really think he needs any help in that area."

"Fair enough. Well, good luck!"

As Roxanne left to face her challenger, Minion turned back to his work, smiled to himself, and resumed singing. He liked having her around. Miss Ritchi was a very nice lady.

* * *

><p>The lair was dark and quiet when Minion opened his eyes. He must have fallen asleep while still putting the finishing touches on the new outfit. Well, that was okay. The boss didn't need it right away. Minion decided to take a little swim around the room. Everything seemed normal, save that his robotic suit had disappeared and the building appeared to be completely filled with water.<p>

He heard a door open and a shadowy figure began swimming toward him. It moved into the moonlight and he saw that it was Roxanne, her hair billowing in the currant. She wore a t-shirt, jeans, and a warm smile.

"Oh, hey, Miss Ritchi!" said Minion. "What are you doing up so late?"

"Megamind dozed off part way through our seventh rematch of Rainbow Road," she said, apparently perfectly capable of talking and breathing underwater.

"Figures," said Minion. "I keep telling him, 'Sir, you gotta stay away from the edges.'"

"He's lucky to have someone who looks out for him the way you do."

"Well, to be fair, that _is_ pretty basic advice."

"No, I mean..." She swam closer to him. "I mean...you're special, Minion. Kind and wise and..." she shyly pushed a lock of floating hair behind her ear, "...and handsome."

The smile left Minions face. He arched an eyebrow. "Come again?"

"Your eyes," she said. "They're the most beautiful shade of copper."

Minion squinted, not sure what to make of this. "Uh...huh."

"You know...I never did thank you. For saving my life. Back at the tower."

"Oh, uh...you should really thank the boss for that. It was all his idea."

"But you were the one who came for me."

"Well..."

"You risked your life. If it weren't for you...I wouldn't be here right now."

Minion smiled nervously. "Oh...heh...well, I-I'm just glad everything worked out."

She gazed at him longingly "I've been thinking about you a lot lately, Minion. About...about us."

"Wait. Us?"

She swam a little closer to him. "Tell me, do you...find me attractive?"

Minion looked at her cautiously. After a moment, despite the numerous red lights that were going off in his head, he did take a moment to actually consider the question. He knew that Miss Ritchi was considered physically appealing by the general human(oid) population. And although he himself had never previously stopped to think of his own possible attraction to her, looking at her now, there was no denying the beauty in her smile. Still, something about the conversation seemed rather inappropriate given her relationship with the boss, so he decided to downplay his answer while remaining pleasant. "Well, I, uh...I suppose you _are_ rather pretty by...you know..." he smiled, "...mammalian standards."

Roxanne giggled.

Suddenly, Minion shrieked. "M...miss Ritchi! Your shirt is missing!" Which, indeed, it was. She floated before him in her bra, seeming either not to notice or care about the abrupt change in wardrobe. "Oh, this is just terrible!" cried Minion, as he began swimming frantically around the room. "Don't worry, ma'am! I'll find it! It must be floating around here somewhere."

"Minion..." she said softly, calling his attention back to her. "I was actually hoping to show you..." she began swam back toward him, "...how grateful I was..." she batted her eyes, "...for everything you've done for me."

Minion stared at her in awe. "Miss Ritchi...you're trying to seduce me!"

She said nothing, but her smile confirmed his suspicions.

"Oh, no!" said Minion, swimming backwards. "Oh, no, no, no, no, no! This _cannot_ happen!"

"Why not?" she asked, mischievously.

"Miss Ritchi," scolded the fish, "you're dating my boss! What's more he's my...my best friend!" Minion was visibly sad. "And he loves you!"

"And I love him. But don't you see, Minion? This is why you and I _need_ to be together."

Minion was more than a little confused. "I'm...not following."

"I want to give myself to Megamind..." said Roxanne, again swimming closer. "Give myself to him completely. Body and soul. But..." she looked ashamed, "...but I can't do that when we still have...this...between us."

"Th...this?"

"This heat. This unspoken passion. Haven't you noticed it, Minion? Haven't you realized how much I want you?"

"I...I honestly had no idea!"

"Just once, Minion. That's all I want. Just one chance to release this desire that's been brimming inside me. Otherwise, I can never truly be with Megamind. Not without...thinking of you. But if we had this...one moment in time...then afterwards I could give myself to him fully. And never look back."

"Miss...Roxanne, this...this is all a lot to take in."

"I know," she said, sadly. "And I...I'm sorry. I would never...try to make you do something you didn't want yourself. And...and, if you don't find me attractive..."

"No!" interrupted Minion. "It's not that. You're...you're very beautiful, it's just..."

She looked back at him with hurt and desperation in her eyes.

Minion paused. It made him feel bad seeing her like this. And what's more, as he looked into her blue eyes he realized...the truth was...he actually did want her. He furrowed his brow and looked off to the side. "Sooooo..." he said slowly, "what you're saying is...if you and I were together...we'd actually be doing the boss a favor?" He smiled a bit and looked back at her with his last words.

Her face beamed with tenderness and relief. "Minion..."

"Just once?"

Roxanne nodded.

"But are...can we...I mean, is this physically _possible_? I mean, I'm a fish and you're..."

"Shhh..." said Roxanne, bringing a finger to his mouth. "Just leave everything to me."

_(Author's note: Readers can feel free to skip this paragraph if they aren't into soft-shell prawnography.)_ She cupped her hands around his sides and slowly brought her face toward his. As Roxanne kissed his forehead he let out a relaxed sigh, closing his eyes. Then she moved down, pressing her lips gently against his toothy mouth. Minion could feel his inhibitions melting away as she kissed him softly again and again. Not entirely sure what he should be doing in all this, Minion awkwardly stuck out his tongue, which seemed as good a move as any. She welcomed the gesture, first massaging it with her own, then sucking on it. After a moment, she pulled back and Minion opened his eyes slightly to meet hers. She grazed his scales with the backs of her fingertips, sending shivers through the fish's body. "Miss...Miss Ritchi..." he sighed. She moved her fingers up to the top of his head, then stroked them back down, finally reaching his tender underside. Minion gasped slightly as her nimble fingers sought out his most sensitive areas, making him yearn for more. Somehow she knew exactly how to touch him. "Roxanne..." he whispered as she stopped teasing and began driving him toward ecstasy.

* * *

><p>Minion opened his eyes, squinting and blinking as daylight struck his retinas. He was in his mechanical suit, hunched over the worktable. He sat up, yawned, stretched his metallic gorilla arms, and scratched the top of his glass dome. Looking down, he saw his boss's unfinished outfit sitting before him. It wasn't normal for Minion to go to sleep without powering down first, but he knew he'd been working late and figured he must have accidentally dozed off. Based on the angle of the sunlight, it was too late in the morning to make a coffee run before the boss woke up, so he figured it would be best to brew a pot himself. He stood up.<p>

Then he remembered. The dream.

Shame overtook him immediately. How could he have thought of Miss Ritchi that way? How could he have betrayed his best friend, even if it was only in his own mind? Minion had thought himself to be a better fish than that. Suddenly he became fearful. What would they say if they knew? He certainly had no intention of telling either of them, but the boss _was_ a genius, and Miss Ritchi did seem to have a remarkable knack for coaxing secrets out of people. And what if he'd been talking in his sleep? Could someone have overheard him? He looked around the room, nervously. He was alone.

Minion made his way to the part of the lair that had been designated as the kitchen and fired up the coffee maker. He could handle this situation. They would never know. He just had to...act natural. Everything would be okay. After a little while, he heard someone coming and gulped.

Megamind slumped into the kitchen, bags under his eyes. Minion looked back at him, then quickly to the coffeepot, then at him again. The blue alien sat down at the table, and though he seemed to take little notice of his companion, the fish still felt an uncomfortable need to fill the silence. "Good morning, sir!" he said with perhaps a bit too much pep. "You're looking diabolically heroic today!"

Megamind looked over, the dark borders around the eyes of his thin and tired face making him look rather like a depressed skeleton. "Coffee, Minion?"

"Right away, sir!" said Minion, pointing at him. He eagerly prepared a cup and brought it over to the table. Once he'd put the mug and saucer before the hunched figure, he felt the need to once again to combat the quiet in the room. "So! How was your evening with Miss Ritchi?"

"She cheats."

Minion's jaw dropped. "Sir! Sir, I'm sure Miss Ritchi would _never_ cheat! You know she's not that kind of lady!"

"Oh, really?" said Megamind. "Then how do you explain her winning twenty-seven matches in a row?"

"Oh. Oh! Cheats at the _game_!" said Minion, a flood of relief washing over him. "Yes, yes, of course!"

"You...think so too?"

"Well..." said Minion, a bit at a loss for words. "She, uh...she is rather clever. You know, in a very non-sexual sort of way."

Megamind arched an eyebrow, but didn't think anything more of it. "I'd better get to work," he sighed. "I'll need my latest creation up and running if I'm to best the dark underbelly of Metrocity."

"You do that, sir!" said Minion. "Oh, and your new outfit is almost ready! Maybe we can try it on later today?"

Megamind didn't say anything as he left. Logically, Minion knew that his boss probably wasn't very talkative due to sleepiness and lack of Mario Kart wins. But part of him still worried that Megamind might...suspect. Especially after that last blunder. Clever in a non-sexual way? What had Minion been thinking?

He turned back to the coffeepot and began tidying up the area. He had to get his mind off of all this.

"Hey, Minion," said Roxanne, entering the kitchen.

Minion gasped, the joints of his suit tensing up. His eyes darted back and forth, terrified. Luckily, Roxanne couldn't see his face and he refused to turn around and look at her. "Oh, uh...good morning, Miss Ritchi! You just missed the boss. I think he's working on his...something."

"Mm. Can I have some?"

"Wh...what?"

"Coffee."

"Oh, right! Uh, sure thing, ma'am." Minion quickly poured a cup off coffee and held it out in her general direction, still not looking back at her.

Roxanne took the coffee and brought it to her lips. Minion drummed the fingers of his suit nervously against the counter. Not quite sure what to do with himself, he began organizing and reorganizing the few items in front of him.

"So," asked Roxanne. "How was your evening?"

"Nothing!" replied Minion quickly, before realizing that didn't even make any sense.

"Um." She paused. "How's the new costume coming along?"

"Well, uh...it's..." What was the word? "It's...it's fine." There it was.

"You know, for a fish, you certainly have a way with your hands."

Why would she say something like that? "Oh, technically these aren't my hands. They're just a part of the suit the boss made them for me." He raised his voice a little, adding, "The boss who I am very, very loyal to!"

"Ughck. He and I were up racing all night. I'm not surprised at his persistence, but... Well, given that until a couple weeks ago he'd basically made a _career_ out of failing, he's a surprisingly poor sport when it comes to that game."

"Hey, now," said Minion, almost defensively. "He may have his shortcomings but...well, nobody's perfect. And, I mean...he's trying. He's trying so very hard."

Roxanne, hearing that Minion sounded upset, asked, "Minion, are you alright?"

"I just..." he started to choke up a little, "I just think that people need to appreciate what they have."

"Well, I'm with ya there. Lately I've been thinking a lot about...just how fleeting life is. I mean, if you guys hadn't come to my rescue, I'd be worm food. You know, I'm not sure I ever thanked you for..."

"I can't do it, Miss Ritchi!" cried Minion, spinning around to face her and gesturing dramatically with his arms. "I just can't! He's my best friend and I could never betray his trust that way! Not even once! You're a beautiful woman, but...if we were together...I-I just couldn't live with myself! I'm sorry, Roxanne, but it's wrong! We both know it's wrong! And if I have to be the one to put my foot down and say 'no' then, I will!"

Minion had been so caught up in what he was saying that he hadn't noticed Roxanne's reaction to his words. But now he observed that she was giving him an incredulous sideways look, as if he had just completely lost his mind. And suddenly, Minion realized what an utter fool he had just made of himself. Miss Ritchi had never been interested in him. And now she knew what had been on his mind all morning. He stared at her, his mouth open in horror. What must she think of him right now? What would she say? Would she hate him? Would she laugh at him? Would she run off in disgust and tell the boss? Minion wished he could take back everything he'd just said, but it was too late. He was doomed.

After a moment, Roxanne's expression softened into an almost sad smile. She walked up to Minion, put a hand gently on one of the arms of his suit, and looked up into his eyes. "You're a good friend, Minion," she told him kindly. Her words seemed genuine when she said, "Thank you for being strong. For both of us."

With that, she turned and walked off into the lair.

Minion stared after her, his jaw slack and his eyes wide. Then, after a moment, he smiled. Miss Ritchi really was a very nice lady.


End file.
